Video Transcript (computer generated - may contain errors)

Sara Gentry: Welcome writers. I have got Stacy Frazer here with me. Hi, Stacy!

Stacy Frazer: Hi, Sara! Thanks for having me.

Sara Gentry: Yes, this is gonna be a great conversation writers, because Stacy has some really great things to say under her motto of Write it scared. And so this is going to be just fabulous. For all the writers, no matter what you are writing, no matter what stage of writing you are in, and no matter how long you've been writing, this is gonna be a great conversation for you. But I know, Stacy, but you may not. So, Stacy, let me introduce you to our writers. Stacy is a formerly repressed creative soul, turned fiction, writer, author, accelerator, certified book, coach, and host of the write it scared, podcast which is a great podcast writers. So we will have a link to that. And you should totally subscribe and listen. Her mission is to help beginning and struggling fiction. Writers overcome self doubt, find joy and gain clarity and confidence in their process and craft, so they can finish books they are proud of. When not writing, reading, or working with writers. You can find Stacy crafting with her daughter, or on the trail with her big goofy Labrador Gus Gus - is that Cinderella, Gus Gus?.

Stacy Frazer: Yeah, he's a hundred pound lab that thinks he's a lap dog. But at the time he was a puppy and he was fuzzy. We called him Gus Gus.

Sara Gentry: No, that's awesome. And then, of course, we'll have links in the show notes here, writers, but you can also connect with Stacy on her website. writeitscared.co or on Instagram at writeitscared, and I think the writers will see a theme here.

Stacy Frazer: Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

Sara Gentry: So I think let's let's jump right in with that. I love this phrase that you have the write it scared. Can you tell us a bit how you came up with this motto for your coaching business?

Stacy Frazer: Sure. Well, it's kind of just what I do every day and have done and continue to do. And I think it resonates with a lot of the writers that I work with is for myself. Personally, I came to writing later in life. When I was younger, I was, you know, a creative little kid, and that got stomped out of me and it took me a long time to get back to that. And when I did, I ran up against this idea, there was a problem. With my permission slip. I was looking for somebody to give me a permission slip, and nobody's going to do that for you. And I had, like all the fears you know. What do I have to say? Like I wasn't used to using my voice as anything other than an echo chamber for other people. I didn't know what I thought or what I believed in, really, for the longest time. It, you know, had some significant growing up to do in my twenties and my early thirties and some of that led to some pretty dark, dark, twisty roads right. But out of that I started to write, and then it was like, Well, okay, maybe maybe I can. But again, like just snowballed with all who am I to do this. Who am I to say this? What are other people gonna think? Is it good enough? I don't have a degree like this. Isn't what I studied. My background's in medicine all the things. So I've always kind of loved the saying that if you're not scared, you're not writing. Because, I believe I mean as fiction writers. You know, what we put on the page is a piece of us. And that's true nonfiction, too, and definitely memoir. So there's a vulnerability to it. And I don't think that that ever really goes away. And so if we want to do this, we have to find a way, you know we're here because we have the desire to do it. For the most part nobody's like holding us to the fire, making us do this right. We're doing it to ourselves. We have the desire so and we gotta fix that permission slip. It's gotta come from inside. We have to cultivate the belief that we can and that we should, and that we can't if we can, and that we should, we will. And then continue to pursue it with courage when it gets hard and and have the resolve to finish what we start. I don't think that fearless and courageous are synonyms right? We have to learn to do this in spite of what scares us. That's why it's called. Write it scared.

Sara Gentry: No, that's fantastic. So you mentioned like typical fears that certainly writers have so so like in your experience, whether it's for you personally or with the writers that you're working with. What are some common fears that writers are coming up against when blocked?

Stacy Frazer: Yeah, wow, I mean, there's a gamut right? Is it good enough? What are they gonna think? You know they're gonna judge me, I'm too old. I'm too young. I don't have a degree. I need a degree. Just yeah. Just all all the variations of self doubt that come down to really boiled back down to, you know, is it good enough? Will I be rejected? Should I bother? Am I wasting my time? I think those are the cores.

Sara Gentry: Yeah. Yeah. And the answer is, yes, you will be rejected. But maybe at some point someone will also say, Yes, but not everyone will say yes to your work, no matter how well loved it is.

Stacy Frazer: Yeah, so is this a, I remember what it was for me. Is this a worthy pursuit of my time? And nobody could answer that for me except myself. I had to make that decision on my own. And that meant I had to overcome the other things that were kind of holding me back.

Sara Gentry: Yeah, I think it's easy, too, to think, I mean, certainly some of these fears might be more common in writers who are trying it for the 1st time, but for writers who are more seasoned, I think they still have their own set of fears, and sometimes they're new from what 1st time writers will experience. You know, it's like I did it once. But can I do it again? It's like, now we have a whole new ball of wax to deal with. I don't think it ever 100% goes away.

Stacy Frazer: I don't think so either. I think the goal is just kinda like to get out of the paralysis yeah piece and into action, even though you're still scared. Yeah, at least you're doing stuff. Right? Yes, you're moving. So getting out of the paralysis, and a lot of the writers I have. They? I work with. They. That's 1 of the big struggles is they have this analysis paralysis which can speak to, you know you're just dealing with a level of anxiety. And you like things to be a certain, you know you let us like a certain level of security before you go forward. And really, that's what fear is. Right. Fear is a natural instinct. It's not good, it's not bad. It's designed to keep us safe. But there are situations where we can use discernment and decide. Do we need it right now in the 1st draft, when nobody's paying attention at all? Nobody's looking for a promise, nobody's looking. Do we need that? Or can we lower our expectations? And you know, give it a go. Well, I feel like you've already touched on one way, cause I also wanted to ask you how you like to help people move out of these fears and to move forward. And I feel like you've just touched on a big one, reminding people that it can be for you for a while.

Stacy Frazer: Yeah. And I can't remember if I just did a podcast episode on this, I think I did, about figuring out who your 1st writer is. And that's you, right, it's not them, it's not whoever them is. That's gonna think this isn't good enough. It's not who you're writing for right now. It's not for the critics, or your family, or your best friend, or your neighbor, or whatever right. It's just for you. And I had a really hard time with that. Personally at the beginning. I know what I liked to read. I knew the stories I was drawn to, but I was embarrassed about that. Like my circles, the circles around me. I didn't. I mean not that I knew what they were reading at night. I just assumed that they read better stuff than what I was reading right. And instead, I'm curled up with a young adult romantic scene going, you know, and not that. I think that there's any writing that is good or bad, or indifferent, or whatever your taste is. But I myself compared what I liked to what I thought I should like. Circumstances around me and that was the internal belief system that did not serve me. So you asked, How do I help writers, I kind of use a 2 prong approach. Really, it's 1 cultivating a healthy relationship between the writer and the creative work. And so that's like looking at what the goals are, what the expectations are. Are they reasonable? Right? Given the constraints of your life, looking at the forms of resistance that typically come up for you, I mean for most of us it's some form of procrastination, perfectionism, pessimism, not good enough right? And how does that pop up for you? How can we be mindful of it when it's getting in your way? And what are the action steps we can take to do that? So that's on one side of the board right? And then on the other side, is actually creating the unique creative container for the writer in the story. And that's like the values that they hold and the reasons that they're writing this book and the foundation of the story, you know who are the characters and what is the plots and the problem these characters are going to go through that speaks to. You know, whatever the writer, it is, whatever their story speaks to, whatever they want that to speak to. So we're designing both of those things at the same time. Right. And we're just doing regular routine, regular check-ins, like on, you know, and being upfront about expectations like, I'm going to be a mirror for you. These are the values you set forth. These are the goals you set forth. I will hold that to you. I will hold that for you. And when you are not coming to the table with what you do you want, I'm gonna push. And I'm gonna we're gonna figure out why. That's what a coach does right.

Sara Gentry: Yeah, that's really good. Because, as you had mentioned before, it's the action. I mean, we don't want to feel like we're these sitting ducks waiting for people to come after us. If there's something more empowering about trying to move forward, however small of steps you may be taking.

Stacy Frazer: Yeah. And so it's more than just figuring out the dynamics of the story. It's also figuring out. You know how the writer works and sometimes they work differently than they think that they work. So yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's a. It's a rewarding process. And it's a long-term relationship and a commitment. And I love what I do. I love helping other people put their stories in the world and step into the, you know, and just watch them grow in confidence. That's the best feeling ever.

Sara Gentry: You had mentioned that you came to writing from not writing or from a not writing specific field. It's not like you were writing your novel in an Mfa. Program somewhere. So I think that experience, because that's also an experience that I come from as well. I think it probably speaks to a lot of writers. So how were you able to move from being? I'm not a writer to I am a writer?

Stacy Frazer: Slowly. For me, the key was mentorship. That was the key. It was once I started, you know, dabbling my feet or toes, or whatever the expression is in the fiction world. I was overwhelmed by all the different avenues to figure out how to do this thing. I mean, I have these beautiful books on my shelf, right? They're gorgeous. I love books. I've always loved stories.  I've always admired authors like, and I thought they were like these magical unicorns they just like, I don't know. They just poof! A story emerged, and they fluttered off, and they wrote the next one. This is not how it works. Right? We know this, but in my mind you would say, That's that's what I envisioned, because I had no clue. What it took to do this. So yeah. So I had no background. I had studied economics and medicine, and I, I couldn't, you know, write. I could write you something very dry, a very dry, analytically designed like argument. But I could not entertain you anyway, so I wanted to learn how to do that, and I was overwhelmed at all the different resources out there. And that's when I heard about book coaching. I was reading all the craft books. And the point I was making there about the books on my shelf is like I understood, like what I was writing was nowhere close to what I was reading. There was this huge gap between that and I didn't know how to close that. So I was reading all the craft books I was like, well, should I, you know? Should I go take a creative writing class? Should I go get an Ma. Or an Mfa. Should I go back to school? I've always loved school. School sounds good. And then I heard about book coaching on a podcast. It was Mom Writes with Jennie Nash, and it was Abby and oh, what's the other lady's name? 

Sara Gentry: Melanie.

Stacy Frazer: Melanie. Thank you. And I was like, wait a minute. Oh, wait. So you mean like there's 1 on one there's a way to like. Learn this one on one with somebody else, and I did that quite shortly after that I contacted Author Accelerator, and I found an Author Accelerator book coach. I worked with Dawn Ius, and then went on to work with other people, other types of coaches and writing mentors. And that's really what it was getting that informed editorial feedback. It was a game changer for me. 

Sara Gentry: Yeah, I love that. You call it a mentorship, too, because I think that sometimes writers might feel intimidated by the idea of working with a book coach, because you're thinking, you know, when you turn something into an editor, it's usually more polished by that point. And you're kind of looking for ways to just maybe clean it up a little bit more. But a book coach will actually like, get in the dirt with you and help you sort out the mess. And the nice thing is that you can along the way get affirmation about what you're doing. Well, so that you can keep, you know, doing the good stuff. And you're like, Okay, and I think that helps to build confidence. But then they will also help you. As you said, Bridge, this gap between where you are and where you want to be.

Stacy Frazer: Yeah. I mean, for example, like the 1st book coach I work with, I was like, I mean, I head hopped everywhere. Point of view. What's that? Dialogue? Attribution? Don't know. Where does that period go? Don't care. Never heard of that before, you know. It's just things that you think that you would instinctively absorb. But you from reading. But you don't. Yeah. So a book coach is gonna meet you where you are. If they're the right coach for you. Right? Yeah. So they're gonna meet you where you are. And if that's the if you need to learn those skill sets and that's a service that they provide. They will do that. They will help you with that. For me like it was mentorship all the way, that's that's what helped me step into I’m a writer yeah. And I will continue to write. And now I can't stop, and it's you know, and there's a certain level of insanity that comes along with that, and I have just accepted.

Sara Gentry: Yeah, the great thing here about your write it scared motto is that I feel like, it never truly ends. There's always like new ways for writers to come up against doubts or anxieties or fears about the work or about themselves even though that's certainly a big piece of it. So hopefully we can manage it better. But I don't know that it ever really goes away. I don't know if you feel the same, or have a different look on that.

Stacy Frazer: I don't think it ever really goes away. I mean, uncertainty is never gonna go away. You know. That we don't see out. We can't, we can't. We don't have crystal balls. We can't see the end result of things. The best we can do is is learn how to show up for the work that we want to do day to day, and just do the next right thing in front of us, in service to our values and our wish that we want to put out in the world, because that's what a book is to me. It's like a wish, you know. It's a dark wish could be a happy wish, but it's a wish that we put out in the world. So are we going to show up in service to that, are we not? It's like Yoda. It's like, do or do not. There is no try right, but with that you have to. You gotta leverage your grace. You have to learn to leverage in your grace and ride the rhythm of life. Life right? Cause. Sometimes there is 0 words happening here. 0. And it sucks.

Sara Gentry: Another thing to be afraid of.

Stacy Frazer: Will I ever figure this thing out? Will I ever figure this thing out? I don't know, but I certainly won't if I don't show up. Yeah. So you know, it's kind of a suit up. Show up. Give yourself, Grace, when you're just human you can't do all the things. But will the fear, will the uncertainty ever go away? No, but I think we can definitely get better at managing our response to it by, you know, remembering to align our intention with our action.

Sara Gentry: That's that's really profound, like lining up intention and action.

Stacy Frazer: Wow! Well, somebody must have said it before me, and I’ve got no claim to it.

Sara Gentry: Nope, I'm gonna give you credit for that one. Maybe someone did say it. But I'm gonna give you credit for that one, because that's really well said. Well, writers, as you can tell. I really hope that this has been helpful for all of you, and hopefully, this has given you a shot of inspiration. And Stacy, can you remind us where we're gonna find you online and tell us what you're up to. Tell us what's coming next for Stacy, and write it scared.

Stacy Frazer: Let's see what's coming next. Well, so the podcast. The write it scared podcast. Has been out for 5 months. Now, it's a lot of fun. I enjoy talking to writers and writers. And, you know, people in the professional book world about the different pieces of the process and speaking with writers about their process and what hangs them up. And the whole point of the podcast is really to, you know, show that writing is hard. Yes, but you're not alone. And you can do this too if you want to. That's the point. And and hopefully to connect writers with the voices and the messages they need to move forward. So the podcast is out, there, it's the write it scared podcast it's on all places that podcasts live. Let's see, there's that. I do work with clients, private coaching. I do private coaching. And I just kicked off my group coaching cohorts for fall, so nothing will be open there until spring and those are a lot of fun, and it's just creating a solid, you know, safe, supportive community, where people show up and make good on their make good on their goals. You know, we cry, we laugh, we laugh more than we cry, I promise. And I'm working on my own fiction right? And pulling out my hair and moming and lifeing and all the things. So you can find me at writeitscared.co. Add on Instagram, at writeitscared. 

Sara Gentry: Awesome. Well, Stacy, I just want to thank you again for this conversation, and thank you so much for your time today.

Stacy Frazer: Thank you so much for having me.

Sara Gentry: And writers. We'll have links for all the things so that you can find Stacy easily and absolutely do look, check out her podcast and go ahead and subscribe and leave a nice rating. Alright writers. Thank you for joining us. We will catch you next time bye.